English Shells & Pebbles

  1. Interesting Q & A
  2. Try answers
  3. Some humour and pun-ditries
  4. English is full of Contradictions
  5. Opinions of Medical specialists
  6. Young and Old
  7. Enrich your Vocabulary
  8. Lexophile
  9. Tons of Puns
  10. Zohnerism
  11. Husband and Wife
  12. Quotes of Great on Husband & wife
  13. Puns from my old stock
  14. More English Hindi Puns
  15. Interesting Full forms
  16. Buy 1 Get 1 Free
  17. Contronyms
  18. Sarcastic Facts Based on Solid Logic
  19. Pundamentals
  20. Latinate Meet
  21. WORLD’S (NOT SO) EASIEST QUIZ !
  22. Not easy to be a Teacher
  23. Some beauties, figuratively speaking
  24. Leisure Reading – Will Rogers
  25. FUN FUNS 😜 JOSIECARE*
  26. For some humour
  27. English and Hindi always Contradict.
  28. Some of Dilbert’s oneliners….
  29. Tharoor Tweets
  30. Funny Puns
  31. Whatsapp Group Results
  32. Laughter the best medicine
  33. Corona Lockdown
  34. Ordinary questions BRILLIANT answers
  35. Favorite Oxymorons
  36. I counted my years
  37. Intelligence and Wisdom

Some Fun With English-Old one but nice!_
“HOW ENGLISH AND ENGLISHMEN MAKE FUN OF EACH OTHER*
Enjoy the fun & the pun.

1. Interesting Q & A

Q: Can February March? A: No. But April May!
Q: Did you hear about the painter who was hospitalised? A: Reports say it was due to too many strokes!
Q: Have you heard the joke about the butter? A: I better not tell you, it might spread!
Q: How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight? A: Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?
Q: Music Teacher: What’s your favourite musical instrument? A: Kid: The lunch bell!
Q: What did the triangle say to the circle? A: You’re pointless!
Q: What do you call a ghosts mom and dad? A: Transparents!
Q: What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A: A Barbercue!
Q: What do you call a person that chops up cereal A: A cereal killer!
Q: What do you call a South American girl who is always in a hurry? *A: Urgent Tina


2. When you have nothing better to do*
Just try answers for these

  1. If poison expires; is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous? 🤔
  2. Which letter is silent in the word “Scent,” the S or the C? 🤔
  3. Do twins ever realize that one of them is “Unplanned”? 🤔
  4. Why is the letter W, in English, called double U? Shouldn’t it be called double V? 🤔
  5. Maybe Oxygen is slowly killing you and It just takes 75-100 years to fully work. 🤔
  6. Every time you clean something, you just make something else dirty. 🤔
  7. Turn the word “swims” upside-down is still “swims” 🤔
  8. 100 years ago everyone owned a Horse and only the rich had Cars. Today everyone has Cars and only the rich own Horses.🤔
  9. If you replace “W” with “T” in “What, Where and When”, you get the answer to each of them. 🤔
    Still have time for fun..?
    Let’s try this

Six Great Confusions, Which are still unresolved
😄😂

  1. At a movie theatre, which arm rest is yours?
  2. If people evolve from monkeys, why are monkeys still around?
  3. Why is there a ‘D’ in fridge, but not in refrigerator?
  4. Who knew what time it was when the first clock was made?

Well Try this now
Vagaries of English Language! Enjoy.!!!😀

•Wonder why the word “Funeral” starts with FUN?
•Why isn’t a Fireman called a Water-man?
•How come Lipstick doesn’t do what it says?
•If money doesn’t grow on trees, how come Banks have Branches?
•If a Vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a Humanitarian eat?
•How do you get off a non-stop Flight?
•Why are goods sent by Ship called CARGO, and those sent by Truck SHIPMENT?
•Why do we put cups in the “Dishwasher” and the dishes in the “Cupboard”?
•Why do doctors “Practice” medicine? Are they having practice at the cost of the patients?
•Why is it called “Rush Hour” when traffic moves at its slowest then?
•How come Noses run and Feet smell?
•Why do they call it a TV ‘set’ when there is only one?
•What are you vacating when you go on a “Vacation”?

We can never find the answers Can we❓

If you have the Spirit of understanding everything in a positive manner – You’ll enjoy every moment in LIFE, whether it’s PRESSURE or PLEASURE
So just enjoy the PUN and FUN of the English language.
😂🤣😂
Enjoy n have fun.😘👍

—- But it seems that some people actually had nothing better to do.
😂🤣😂 So they found answers. 😂🤣😂

  1. I think it is called “duble v” (pronounced “dooble vay” डूब्ल वे) in French. Alphabet ‘V’, pronunced ‘vay’ in French = English V.
    Duble in French = double.

Poison never expires. It is still in lord Shiva’s throat.
They both may be unplanned!!!
Both arm rest are mine or not on the side the beauty is sitting(so that she may put her arm)
Now monkeys are evolving.
Much before first.clock was made astrologers knew not only what the present time(ghadi) is they could tell moment of future events like moon eclipse, sun eclipse.
Fireman fights.fire— not necessarily with.water
HOWZTHAT

😄😂 😂🤣😂 😂🤣😂


3.Some old, some new still a good time pass
Some humour and pun-ditries 😂 English Hinglish 😂

  1. The changing tax rates are too TDS.
  2. My watch is stuck between 2 and 2:30; it’s a do or dhai situation
  3. Vishwanathan Anand gets tense when the waiter asks, ‘Check de doon’
  4. A well-executed theft without any fingerprints is a stainless steal.
  5. Friends pay food bills on a de-tu-de basis
  6. ‘I laughed yesterday’ in Hindi, ‘Michael Hussey’
  7. An old lady asked me the way to the temple; I replied, ‘Magistrate’
  8. Rahul Dravid’s wristwatch is technically a wall clock
  9. Toll Booths are nothing but Bill Gates
  10. The way to the cemetery, ‘Go straight and take the last rite.’

🤪😂

Some more Multilingual puns:
Mixing languages…. 🤔🤭😅😂

When I saw a snake for the first time, I was सर्पrised.
My Urdu is Behtar than your English.
I wanted to marry a Photo Journalist, par PAPARAZZI nahi hue.
Why is vegetarian food not very popular? Simply because it doesn’t have मांस appeal.
Ghosts have their own ATMA-SPHERE.
Who called it family planning and not जनration?
People with paunch want to show that they have a well ‘तोंड (toned) body.
I had sore throat once. It took me few vicks to recover..
God never tasted any cough syrup, because khuda-na-khasta.
Last night I had an extra spicy garlic chutney. This morning I learnt my lehsun.
Visited a dentist named Simran. She asked “where are you feeling the pain?” Me: Jaw Simran Jaw
I really don’t care who takes bath daily. It स्नान of my business.
“Kya tujhe hammer se darr lagta hai?” “Ha-thodasa.”
Come on Pat-Anjali What Ayurveding for ?

😄😂 😂🤣😂 😂🤣😂


4.English is FULL of contradictions
Here are some funny ones:

1) Found Missing
2) Open Secret
3) Small Crowd
4) Act Naturally
5) Clearly Misunderstood
6) Fully Empty
7) Pretty Ugly
8) Seriously Funny
9) Only Choice
10) Original Copies
11) Exact Estimate
12) Tragic Comedy
13) Foolish Wisdom
14) Liquid Gas
15) Working Holiday

And The newest Mother of all is

16) “Social Distancing”

*************

5.Opinions of Medical specialists

Medical experts were asked if it is time to ease the lock down.
Allergists were in favor of scratching it, but Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.
Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but Neurologists thought the government had a lot of nerve.
Obstetricians felt certain everyone was laboring under a misconception, while Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.
Many Pathologists yelled, “Over my dead body!” while Pediatricians said, “Oh, grow up!”
Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while Radiologists could see right through it.
Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing and pharmacists claimed it would be a bitter pill to swallow.
Plastic Surgeons opined that this proposal would “put a whole new face on the matter.”
Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.
Anaesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and those lofty Cardiologists didn’t have the heart to say no.
In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the assholes!

*******

6. YOUNG and OLD

When YOUNG, I was WORRIED about MY PIMPLES.
When I am OLD, I am WORRIED about MY WRINKLES.

When I was YOUNG, I was WAITING to HOLD HER HAND.
When OLD, I am WAITING for SOMEONE to HOLD MY HAND.

When YOUNG, I was LONGING to be ALONE.
When I am OLD, I am WORRIED why I am ALONE.

When I was YOUNG, I HATED being ADVISED.
When OLD, there is NO ONE around to TALK or ADVISE.

When YOUNG, I ADMIRED BEAUTIFUL THINGS.
When I am OLD, I see BEAUTY in THINGS around ME.

When I was YOUNG, I felt I was ETERNAL.
When I am OLD, I know SOON it will be MY TURN.

When I was YOUNG, I CELEBRATED the MOMENTS.
When I am OLD, I am CHERISHING MY MEMORIES.

When I was YOUNG, I found it DIFFICULT to WAKE UP.
When OLD, I find it DIFFICULT to SLEEP.

When I was YOUNG, I WANTED to be a HEART – THROB.
When OLD, I am WORRIED when will MY HEART STOP.

At EXTREME STAGES of OUR LIFE, WE WORRY but WE DON’T REALIZE, LIFE NEEDS to BE EXPERIENCED.

*****

7. Enrich your vocabulary

8. Lexophile

“Lexophile” is a term used to describe those who are clever with words, such as ” you can tune a piano but you can’t tuna fish” or “to write with a broken pencil is pointless.”!
A competition to see who can come up with the best lexophillies is held every year in Dubuque, Iowa.
This year’s winning submissions are….
*A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
*The batteries were given out free of charge.
*A dentist and a manicurist married.
They fought tooth and nail.
*A will is a dead giveaway.
*A boiled egg is hard to beat.
England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A
*Police were called to the daycare centre, where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
*Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off ?
He’s all right now.
*A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.
*The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully re-covered.
*He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
*When she saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she’d dye.
*Acupuncture is a job well done. That’s the point of it.
Please enjoy the literary sense of humour

😂🤣😂 😂🤣😂 😂🤣😂 😂🤣😂

New Addition 23/05/2021

Long time, now it is time for some time pass.

9. Tons of Puns 😊🙃😉

  1. Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes, we arson.
  2. What do you call a pig with laryngitis? Disgruntled.
  3. Writing my name in cursive is my signature move.
  4. Why do bees stay in their hives during winter? Swarm.
  5. If you’re bad at haggling, you’ll end up paying the price.
  6. Just so everyone’s clear, I’m going to put my glasses on.
  7. A commander walks into a bar and orders everyone around.
  8. I lost my job as a stage designer. I left without making a scene.
  9. Never buy flowers from a monk. Only you can prevent florist friars.
  10. How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced? A buccaneer.
  11. I once worked at a cheap pizza shop to get by. I kneaded the dough.
  12. My friends and I have named our band ‘Duvet’. It’s a cover band.
  13. I lost my girlfriend’s audiobook, and now I’ll never hear the end of it.
  14. Why is ‘dark’ spelled with a k and not c? Because you can’t see in the dark.
  15. Why is it unwise to share your secrets with a clock? Well, time will tell.
  16. When I told my contractor I didn’t want carpeted steps, they gave me a blank stare.
  17. Bono and The Edge walk into a Dublin bar and the bartender says, “Oh no, not U2 again.”
  18. Prison is just one word to you, but for some people, it’s a whole sentence.
  19. Scientists got together to study the effects of alcohol on a person’s walk, and the result was staggering.
  20. I’m trying to organize a hide and seek tournament, but good players are really hard to find.
  21. I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows, and nuts. I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
  22. What do you say to comfort a friend who’s struggling with grammar? There, their, they’re.
  23. I went to the toy store and asked the assistant where the Schwarznegger dolls are and he replied, “Aisle B, back.”
  24. What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up their own incision? Suture self.
  25. I’ve started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It’s all about raisin awareness.

😊🙃😉 😊🙃😉 😊🙃😉 😊🙃😉

Some more puns

Punning away
1. What is the opposite of a croissant? A happy uncle.
2. Which branch of the military accepts toddlers? The infantry.
3. Did you know you can actually listen to the blood in your veins? You just have to listen varicosely.
4. Though I enjoy the sport, I could never date a tennis player. Love means nothing to them.
5. I have a joke about time travel, but I’m not gonna share it. You guys didn’t like it.
6. What’s the opposite of irony? Wrinkly.
7. Got a Sony PS5 for my little brother. Best trade I’ve ever done!
8. I finally decided to sell my vacuum cleaner. All it was doing was gathering dust!
9. When you die, what part of the body dies last? The pupils, they dilate.
10. A friend of mine went bald years ago, but still carries around an old comb. He just can’t part with it.
11. You know there’s no official training for trash collectors? They just pick things up as they go along.

12. Exaggerations have become an epidemic. They went up by a million percent last year.

**************************

10. Zohnerism

Why we need to Avoid watching too much of breaking news & panel discussions on Indian TV news channels now a days!? Because, they all follow Zohnerism!!!
What is this notorious concept of Zohnerism?
Zohnerism – is all about twisting of simple facts to confuse people!
To know more about it, please read this:
In 1997, 14 year old Nathan Zohner presented his science fair project to his classmates, seeking to ban a highly toxic chemical from its everyday use.
The chemical in question? Dihydrogen monoxide.
Throughout his presentation, Zohner provided his audience scientifically correct evidence as to why this chemical should be banned.
He explained that dihydrogen monoxide:
—–Causes severe burns while it’s in gas form.
—–Corrodes and rusts metal.
—–Kills countless amounts of people annually.
—–Is commonly found in tumors, acid rain etc.
—–Causes excessive urination and bloating if consumed.
—–Zohner also noted that the chemical is able to kill you if you depend on it and then experience an extended withdrawal.
He then asked his classmates if they actually wanted to ban dihydrogen monoxide.
And so, 43 out of the 50 children present voted to ban this clearly toxic chemical.
However… this chemical isn’t typically considered toxic at all.
In fact, dihydrogen monoxide is simply H2O, which is nothing but water.
Nathan Zohner’s experiment wasn’t a legitimate attempt to ban water, but instead an experiment to get a representation of how gullible people can really be.
Also, all of the points that Zohner used to convey his point were 100% factually correct; he just skewed all of the information in his favour by omitting certain facts.
In recognition of his experiment, journalist James K. Glassman coined the term “Zohnerism” to refer to “the use of a true fact to lead a scientifically and mathematically ignorant public to a false conclusion”.
And this occurs a lot more often than you think, especially when politicians, conspiracy theorists, etc., use proven facts to persuade people into believing false claims.
The fact that people can mislead, and be misled so easily, is highly unsettling.
A very meaningful sensible WhatsApp forward that applies to today’s world more than anytime before.

**********

New Addition 08/06/2021

11. Husband and Wife

Fight between husband and wife (both are M.A. in English literature). Instead of shouting, abusing or physical force…they exchange poems to each other.😀

WIFE :

I wrote your name on sand it got washed…
I wrote your name in air, it was blown away.
Then I wrote your name on my heart & I got Heart Attack. 🙄

HUSBAND:

God saw me hungry, he created pizza.
He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi.
He saw me in the dark, he created light.
He saw me without problems, he created YOU. 😏

WIFE:

Twinkle twinkle little star
You should know what you are
And once you know what you are
Mental hospital is not so far!🤨

HUSBAND:

The rain makes all things beautiful.
The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful
Why doesn’t it rain on you? 🙄

WIFE:

Roses are red; Violets are blue
Monkeys like you should be kept in zoo.😠

HUSBAND:

Don’t feel so angry you will find me there too
Not in a cage but laughing at you!🥴

👍Don’t laugh alone, share it with others also! 😃

&&&&&&&&&&

12. Quotes of some great personalities:

Today is World happy husband Day. Let us maintain 2 minutes silence and appreciate some real life experiences and quotes of some great personalities:

Wife inspires us to great things and prevents us from achieving them.
– Mike Tyson 😁

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
– Bill Clinton 😁

There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.
– Michael Jordan 😁

A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.
– Barack Obama 😁

When you are in love,
wonders happen.
But once you get married, you wonder, what happened.

  • Steve Jobs 😁

And the best one is…

Marriage is a forest where Brave Lions are killed by Deers.

  • Brad Pitt

Happy World Husbands Day🎉🎊🎈

********************

13. Puns from my old stock

(इंग्रजी कोट्या) माझ्या जुन्या संग्रहातून (२००९)
या कोट्या इंग्रजी भाषेतील विशिष्ट शब्दांवर आधारलेल्या असल्याने त्याचा मराठी अनुवाद करणे म्हणजे दादा कोंडके यांच्या चित्रपटांना इंग्लिश सबटायटल्स देण्यासारखे होईल. त्यामुळे त्या मूळ स्वरूपातच वाचाव्यात.

The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.
A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie..
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, ‘You stay here, I’ll go on a head.’
I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then, it hit me.
A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, ‘Keep off the Grass.’
A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, ‘No change yet.’
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
It’s not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn’t have the balls to do it.
The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
A backward poet writes inverse.
In democracy, it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism, it’s your count that votes.
23 . When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
Don’t join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects.
Share this:

14. More English Hindi Puns

What do you call a bee that comes from America?
USB
No claps please!😄😄

What do you call a lady who drinks only one tea in a day?
Jaswanti

One More ☝😁
Why don’t people clap in Afghanistan?
Because of ‘Tali-ban’!😀

Acha ek aur ☝😁
How do you ask your ‘Maasi’ to take a dip in water?
Diplomacy!😀😀

Ye wala last ☝😁
How do you say “she is calling a cab” in one word?
Vocabulary!😜😁

Ye wala ek dum last☝
Which Pakistani cricketer does not have a date of birth?
Umar Gul..

😝😝 Bonus One
What you call a fat girl waiting at the Bus Stop.
Simple its – MOTIVATING.

😝😝 😝😝 😝😝 😝😝 😝😝 😝😝

U cannot beat this for creativity. Kudos to the unknown author!

Pankaj fell in love
Pankaj married
Pankaj divorced
Pankaj Udaas

Sameera went to a parlor
Sameera did her hair
Sameera did her makeup
Sameera Reddy

Kangana hit the ball
Kangana took a single
Kangana did not reach the crease
Kangana Ranaut.

Hrithik buys bulb
Hrithik puts bulb in socket
Hrithik switches bulb on
Hrithik Roshan

Neil arms weak.
Neil joins gym.
Neil does chin-ups.
Neil Armstrong

Anil mombatti
Anil agarbatti
Anil dhoop
Anil Kapoor

Minisha purchased a cycle
Minisha started riding cycle
Minisha’s height increased
Minisha Lamba

William making fruit shake
William took pears
William put them in glass
William Shakespeare

Mika went to studio
Mika went to recording room
Mika took the mike
Mika Singh

Enjoy 😊

😝😝 😝😝 😝😝 😝😝 😝😝 😝😝

15. Interesting Full Forms

💚 ᴅᴏ ᴡᴇ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴀᴄᴛᴜᴀʟ ғᴜʟʟ ғᴏʀᴍ ᴏғ Sᴏᴍᴇ ᴡᴏʀᴅS ? 💚
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬

💛 ᴏᴋ 💛
ᴏᴛᴛᴏ ᴋʀᴏᴠᴇɴS

💛 ɴᴇᴡs ᴘᴀᴘᴇʀ 💛
ɴᴏʀᴛʜ ᴇᴀsᴛ ᴡᴇSᴛ sᴏᴜᴛʜ ᴘᴀSᴛ ᴀɴᴅ ᴘʀᴇSᴇɴᴛ ᴇᴠᴇɴᴛS ʀᴇᴘᴏʀᴛ

💛 ᴄʜᴇSS 💛
ᴄᴀᴍᴇʟ, ʜᴏʀsᴇ, ᴇʟᴇᴘʜᴀɴᴛ, Sᴏʟᴅɪᴇʀs

💛 ᴄᴏʟᴅ 💛
ᴄʜʀᴏɴɪᴄ ᴏʙsᴛʀᴜᴄᴛɪᴠᴇ ʟᴜɴɢ ᴅɪsᴇᴀsᴇ

💛 ᴊᴏᴋᴇ 💛
ᴊᴏʏ ᴏғ ᴋɪᴅs ᴇɴᴛᴇʀᴛᴀɪɴᴍᴇɴᴛ

💛 ᴀɪᴍ 💛
ᴀᴍʙɪᴛɪᴏɴ ɪɴ ᴍɪɴᴅ

💛 ᴅᴀᴛᴇ 💛
ᴅᴀʏ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛɪᴍᴇ ᴇᴠᴏʟᴜᴛɪᴏɴ

💛 ᴇᴀᴛ 💛
ᴇɴᴇʀɢʏ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛᴀsᴛᴇ

💛 ᴛᴇᴀ 💛
ᴛᴀsᴛᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ᴇɴᴇʀɢʏ ᴀᴅᴍɪᴛᴛᴇᴅ

💛 ᴘᴇɴ 💛
ᴘᴏᴡᴇʀ ᴇɴʀɪᴄʜᴇᴅ ɪɴ ɴɪʙ

💛 Sᴍɪʟᴇ 💛
Sᴡᴇᴇᴛ ᴍᴇᴍᴏʀɪᴇs ɪɴ ʟɪᴘs ᴇxᴘʀᴇssIᴏɴ

💛 SIᴍ 💛
Sᴜʙsᴄʀɪʙᴇʀ ɪᴅᴇɴᴛɪᴛʏ ᴍᴏᴅᴜʟᴇ

💛 ᴇᴛᴄ 💛
ᴇɴᴅ ᴏғ ᴛʜɪɴᴋɪɴɢ ᴄᴀᴘᴀᴄɪᴛʏ

💛 ᴏʀ 💛
ᴏʀʟ ᴋᴏʀᴇᴄ (ɢʀᴇᴇᴋ ᴡᴏʀᴅ)

💛 ʙʏᴇ 💛
ʙᴇ ᴡɪᴛʜ ʏᴏᴜ ᴇᴠᴇʀʏᴛɪᴍᴇ.

💚 Sʜᴀʀᴇ ᴛʜᴇsᴇ ᴍᴇᴀɴɪɴɢs ᴀs ᴍᴀᴊᴏʀɪᴛʏ ᴏғ ᴜs ᴅᴏɴ’ᴛ ᴋɴᴏᴡ 💚

💛 💛 💛 💛 💛 💛 💛 💛 💛 💛 💛 💛

16. Buy 1 Get 1 Free

“Buy one – get one free” may be a marketing gimmick.

But it is true in real life in many sense.

We buy Trust we get Friendship free.
We buy Exercise, we get Health free.
We buy Peace, we get Prosperity free.
We buy Honesty, we get Sleep free.
We buy LOVE, we get all Good Virtues free.

We buy (i.e. harbouring this emotion) Anger and get Acidity free.
We buy Jealousy and get Headache free.
We buy Hatred and get Ulcer free.
We buy Stress and get Blood pressure free.

and so on– —

May God bless us with the wisdom to buy right things for a healthy and purposeful life!💐🙏

**********

17. Contronyms

Can A Word Be Its Own Opposite?

Yes! They are called Contronyms—words that are their own antonyms, depending on usage.
Here are a few examples
1 Dust : can mean to add fine particles or to remove fine particles.
2 Left : can mean both remaining and departed.
3 Off : can mean both activated and deactivated.
Eg:- Set off – Activated
Switch off – Deactivated
4 Oversight : means both watchful care and an inadvertent error.
5 Screen : can mean both to show and to hide.
6 Sanction can mean both a penalty for disobeying a law and official permission or approval for an action.

That’s Amazing English!

Some more Contronyms

  1. Transparent
    a) Transparent: Obvious
    Eg, His lies were so transparent.
    b) Transparent: Invisible
    Eg, She brought a transparent water bottle to school every day.
  2. Put out
    a) Put out: Extinguish
    Eg, The tutorial taught 5 new ways to put out fire.
    b) Put out: Generate
    Eg, Arthur Miller put out many books.
  3. To buckle
    a) To buckle: To bend
    Eg, The grandmother felt her knee buckle while climbing the stairs.
    b) To buckle: To secure with a buckle
    Eg, The air hostess requested the passengers to buckle their seat belts.
  4. To cleave
    a) To cleave: To join or to cling
    Eg, The bear cleaved to his mother’s body.
    b) To cleave: To split
    Eg, The hunter used a knife to cleave the meat from the bone.
  5. To execute
    a) To execute: To start or begin
    Eg, The need of the hour is to execute the plan.
    b) To execute: To bring to an end
    Eg, The juvenile is expected to be executed, next month.
  6. To clip
    a) To clip: To fasten
    Eg, Akshay Kumar clipped on to the rope to perform a stunt.
    b) To clip: To detach
    Eg, The hair dresser clipped her hair.
  7. Out
    a) Out: Visible
    Eg, The moon was hidden behind the clouds, it took a long time to come out.
    b) Out: Invisible
    Eg, In order to create complete darkness, he decided to put out the candles too.

18. Sarcastic Facts Based on Solid Logic

1. An Infinite Number of ₹100 Notes and ₹2000 Notes are Worth the Same._
2. If your Parachute doesn’t Deploy, you have the Rest of the Life to Fix It._
3. Average Human Lifespan is 70 Years equating to 2.2 Billion Seconds. There are 7.5 Billion People on Earth. So Technically every Person is not even Worth a Second of your Time._
4. The Sentence “Don’t Objectify Women” has Women as the Object of the Sentence._
5. You cannot make History if you use Incognito Mode._
6. We pay Taxes on Money we earn to pay Taxes on Money we spend._
7. No matter how Good you are, you can always be Replaced._
8. Pizza is the Real-Time Pie Chart of how much Pizza is left._
9. There is a Tree out there that is Growing out there for your Coffin or your Funeral Pyre._
10. If you Cut Off your Left Arm then your Right Arm would be Left._
11. The Ability to Speak Several Languages is an Asset, but the Ability to keep your Mouth Shut in any Language is Priceless._
12. No matter how Strong Mathematician or Guesser you are, but you can’t Guess the Ending Digits of “pi”._
13. 100 years ago the Rich owned the Cars while the Poor had Horses. Now everyone has a Car while only the Rich own Horses._
14. People say “Marriage is Forever” but actually “Divorce is Forever”._
15. There’s no Physical Evidence to say that Today is Monday. We just have to Trust Someone who kept the Count since first one ever._
16. Cows are so Calm and Happy because their Favourite Food is on the Ground all the time. Imagine Walking on Pizzas all day._
17. The Wright Brothers were responsible for 9/11 too._
18. We spend Five Days a Week Pretending to be someone else in order to spend Two Days being who we are._
19. Whenever you Register a Username, you are Disappointing Someone in the Future._
20. Internet connects People at a Long Distance and disconnects People at a Short Distance._
21. Someone has your Dream Job and Hates going to Work Every Day._
22. Alcohol is a Solution._
23. Cells Divide to Multiply._

24. If you Beat your Own Record, you’re both a Winner and a Loser._

19. How good are your pundamentals?😆

☢ Lightning sometimes shocks people… because, it just doesn’t know how to conduct itself
☢ A prisoner’s favorite punctuation mark is the period… it marks the end of his sentence
☢ A rule of grammar… double negatives are a no-no
☢ Sleeping comes so naturally to me… I could do it with my eyes closed
☢ Atheists don’t solve exponential equations… because they don’t believe in higher powers
☢ It’s raining cats and dogs… well, as long as it doesn’t reindeer
☢ I relish the fact that you’ve mustard the strength to ketchup to me…
☢ My new theory on inertia doesn’t seem to be gaining momentum
☢ What did the grape say when it got stepped on… nothing, but it let out a little whine
☢ If you don’t pay your exorcist… do you get repossessed
☢ Pencils could be made with erasers at both ends… but, what would be the point
☢ I was arrested after my therapist suggested I take something for my
kleptomania
☢ A hungry traveller stops at a monastery and is taken to the kitchens…. a brother is frying chips. “Are you the friar?” he asks. “No. I’m the chip monk” he replies…
☢ Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring… the doctor says I’m OK, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside…
☢ What’s the definition of a will… it’s a dead giveaway
☢ Two peanuts were walking in a tough neighborhood and one of them was a-salted

For the PUNNY people….!!!!

PUNTASTIC 👌👍!

********************

20.Latinate Meet:

From Quid Pro Quo to In Flagrante Delicto to Non Compos Mentis*
One evening, all Latin expressions gathered at the Taverna to discuss Quid Pro Quo’s phenomenal rise in popularity thanks to impeachment hearings in the United States.
A wave of resentment ran through Ad Hoc, Pro Bono, Vice Versa, Et Cetera etc., who considered themselves frontrunners in Latinism sweepstakes before Quid Pro Quo had sprinted ahead in recent weeks.
“Well, let’s get real,” said Bona Fide, who was always truthful. “Quid Pro Quo is being promoted by no less a person than the U.S President, even though Pro Bono is available for free.”
Hearing this, Pro Bono, who was selfless and always unquestioningly volunteering herself, asked Prima Facie if this was indeed the case.
“On the face of it, yes,” confirmed Prima Facie. “Although the President likes Ad Hoc, Quid Pro Quo is his current favorite.”
“What about me? I am always bringing up the rear… though I am used so often,” complained Et Cetera.
“At least you and your comrades Nota Bena and Post Script are made of two words, unlike that useless Addendum,” consoled Alter Ego, looking over his shoulder at his shadow.
“Quid Pro Quo is made of three words!” pointed out Carpe Diem, groaning, “I should have seized the moment when the poet Horace wrote me into his Odes!”
“Actually, we should have all gone to war!” yelled Casus Belli, who was always in a confrontational mood.
“We would have backed you!” shouted twins De Facto and De Jure.
“Hear! Hear!” roared Vox Populi.
Et Cetera was comforted, but he knew he could never become the favorite; he’d always be an afterthought.
“Well, fair is foul and foul is fair,” explained Vice Versa, an opportunist who flip-flopped often.
“Indeed, I’m sorry about our fate. If y’all want I am happy to take the blame,” offered the always-apologetic Mea Culpa.
“Let’s just stay rooted to the ground. Our day will come!” advised Terra Firma.
“No, let’s keep on rolling and rolling and…” pressed Ad Infinitum.
“The bird walked to the toy store,” said Non Sequitur.
Alma Mater, who was nourishing her children Alumnus and Alumna, watched the agitated Latinisms with Sotto Voce, who was usually quiet and spoke only occasionally in a low voice.
“Too bad everyone thinks the President has flipped for Quid Pro Quo,” she whispered. “No one believes me but I’ve seen him canoodling with that sexy wench In Flagrante Delicto.”
Suddenly they heard someone chuckling in the shadows. It was Non Compos Mentis, giggling with the knowledge that she, not In Flagrante Delicto, was the President’s first love.

********************************

21. WORLD’S (NOT SO) EASIEST QUIZ !

( Passing requires only 3 correct answers out of 10 !! ).
( Only total thicko’s will fail !! )

1) How long did the Hundred Years’ War last?
2) Which country makes Panama hats?
3) From which animal do we get cat gut?
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
5) What is a camel’s hair brush made of?
6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?
7) What was King George VI’s first name?
8) What color is a purple finch?
9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?
10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?
Remember, you need only 3 correct answers to Pass.

Check your answers below.
.
.
.
.
.

ANSWERS
1) How long did the Hundred Years War last? …. 116 years_
2) Which country makes Panama hats? …. Ecuador
3) From which animal do we get cat gut? …. Sheep and Horses
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? …. November
5) What is a camel’s hair brush made of? …… Squirrel fur
6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal? …. Dogs
7) What was King George VI’s first name? ….. Albert
8) What color is a purple finch? …. Crimson
9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from? …. New Zealand
10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane? ….. Orange (of course!)
What do you mean, you failed ? !!
Me, too…(and miserably) !!!

Pass this on to some “brilliant” people, so that they may feel useless too ! Honestly admit and submit. …..


22. Not easy to be a Teacher

Teacher: ”Construct a sentence using the word “sugar”
Pupil: ”I drank tea this morning.”
Teacher: ”Where is the word sugar.”
Pupil: ”It is already in the tea..!!”

  • – – – Not Easy to be a Teacher !!!!!

TEACHER: Our topic for today is Photosynthesis.
TEACHER : Class, what is photosynthesis?
Student: Photosynthesis is our topic for today.

  • – – – – Not Easy to be a Teacher !!!!!

TEACHER : John is climbing a tree to pick some mangoes. (Begin the sentence with ‘Mangoes’)
Student : Mangoes, John is coming to pick you…

  • – – – – Not Easy to be a Teacher !!!!!

TEACHER : What do you call mosquitoes in your language?
Student: We don’t call them, they come on their own…

  • – – – Not Easy to be a Teacher !!!!!

TEACHER : Name the nation, people hate most
Student: Exami-nation…

  • – – – – Not Easy to be a Teacher !!!!!

TEACHER : How can we keep our school clean?
Student: By staying at home…

  • – – – – Not Easy to be a Teacher !!!!!

TEACHER : One day our country will be corruption free. What tense is that??
Student: Future impossible tense…

NOWADAYS TEACHING IS REALLY A VERY TOUGH

. . . . . . . . .

23. Some beauties, figuratively speaking😁😁

• Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
• On a hot day, a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool, I gave him a glass of water.
• I’m great at multi-tasking ~ I can waste time, be unproductive, send this message and procrastinate all at once.
• If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
• Take my advice; I’m not using it.
• My wife and I were happy for twenty five years; then we met.
• Hospitality is the art of making guests feel like they’re at home when you wish they were.
• Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
• Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
• Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.
• He who laughs last thinks slowest.
• Is it wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly?
• Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.
• I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.
• Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
• I was going to wear my camouflage shirt today, but I couldn’t find it.
• If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
• Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.
• If tomatoes are technically a fruit, is ketchup a smoothie?
• No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

• Money is the root of all wealth.

. . . . . . 29/09/2021

24. Leisure Reading

Will Rogers, who died in a 1935 plane crash, was one of the greatest political sages America has ever known.
Some of his sayings:

  • Never slap a man who’s chewing tobacco.
  • There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.
  • Never miss a good chance to shut up.
  • If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
  • The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back into your pocket.
  • There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.
  • Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
  • If you’re riding ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it’s still there.
  • Lettin’the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back.
  • After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.
    The moral: When you’re full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

ABOUT GROWING OLDER..
First ~Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
Second ~ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
Third ~ Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know ‘why’I look this way. I’ve traveled a long way, and some of the roads
weren’t paved.
Fourth ~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
Fifth ~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
Sixth ~ I don’t know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.
Seventh ~ One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it’s such a nice change from being young.
Eighth ~ One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.
Ninth ~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
Tenth ~ Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it’s called golf.
And, finally ~ If you don’t learn to laugh at trouble, you won’t have anything to laugh at when you’re old.

Point EIGHT is absolutely phenomenal

🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁

. . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . 14-11-2021

25. FUN FUNS 😜 JOSIECARE*

  1. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.
  2. My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, “No, wait! I can change.”
  3. Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me, it means a lot.
  4. Don’t trust atoms, they make up everything.
  5. Doctor, there’s a patient on line 1 who says he’s invisible. Well, tell him I can’t see him right now.”
  6. My girlfriend said, “You act like a detective too much. I want to split up.” “Good idea,” I replied. “We can cover more ground that way.”
  7. I saw an ad. for burial plots and thought to myself.. this is the last thing I need!
  8. I had a neck brace fitted years ago and I’ve never looked back since.
  9. What’s the difference of deer nuts and beer nuts? Beer nuts are a $1.75, but deer nut are under a buck.
  10. Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box.
  11. eBay is so useless. I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 13,749 matches.
  12. I got a new pair of gloves today, but they’re both ‘lefts’ which, on the one hand, is great, but on the other, it’s just not right.
  13. Police have arrested the World tongue-twister Champion. I imagine he’ll be given a tough sentence.
  14. Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician.

15. With great reflexes comes great response ability.

***********************************

26 For some humour

What did the baby corn say to the mama corn?
Where’s popcorn?

How did the barber win the race?
He knew a shortcut.

Did you hear the joke about the roof?
Never mind, it’s over your head.

Why can’t Cinderella play soccer?
Because she’s always running away from the ball.

Why are teddy bears never hungry?
They’re always stuffed!

Why was the weightlifter upset?
She worked with dumbbells.

Why was the broom late for school?
He overswept.

Why was the teacher wearing sunglasses?
Because her students were so bright.

When past, present, and future walk into a bar.
It is tense.

Why did the math book look so sad?
Because it had so many problems.

Be like a proton.
Always stay positive.

Why didn’t the sun go to college?
It already had a million degrees.

Why can’t you trust an atom?
They make up everything!

How do you know Saturn was married more than once?
Because it has a lot of rings.

What do you do when no one laughs at your science jokes?

Keep trying until you get a reaction. 🤣🤣🤣

***********

27 English and Hindi always Contradict.

English : The sooner the better.
Hindi : Jaldi ka kaam shaitaan ka hota hai.

English : Think of the devil, and the devil is here.
Hindi : Badi lambi umar hai tumhari, abhi tumhe hi yaad kar rahe the.

English : Don’t wait, fight for your rights.
Hindi : Sabra ka fal meetha hota hai.

English : You silly cow!
Hindi : Bichari gaaye jaisi hai.

and the most striking of all,

English : As wise as an owl.
Hindi : Ullu ka pattha.
😂😁😃😜😂😁😃😁

28. Some of Dilbert’s oneliners….

  1. I say no to alcohol, it just doesn’t listen.
  2. Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.
  3. Work is fine if it doesn’t take too much of your time.
  4. When everything comes in your way you’re in the wrong lane.
  5. The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train..
  6. Born free, taxed to death.
  7. Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don’t have film.
  8. Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.
  9. Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
  10. If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you’ll have trouble putting on your pants.
  11. It’s not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere.
  12. I love being a writer… what I can’t stand is the paperwork.
  13. A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
  14. The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.
  15. The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.
  16. In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?
  17. If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?
  18. Beat the 5 O’clock rush, leave work at noon!
  19. If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
  20. It’s not the fall that kills you. It’s the sudden stop at the end.
  21. I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
  22. Hot glass looks same as cold glass. – Cunino’s Law of Burnt Fingers
  23. The cigarette does the smoking you are just the sucker.
  24. Someday is not a day of the week
  25. Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.
  26. To Err is human, to forgive is not a Company policy.
  27. The road to success…. Is always under construction.
  28. Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.
  29. In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don’t need it ,,,,

🤣🤩🤪

29.Tharoor Tweets

Missed the fun in first reading? Read again.

Congress Parliamentarian Shashi Tharoor shared some light-hearted food humour while commenting on a Twitter thread.
He reposted a witty conversation between former Managing Director of Twitter Parminder Singh and two others.
In the hilarious exchange, Singh had said, “If two guys fight over a tandoori naan, is that violence or naan-violence.”
Ram Vaidyanathan, a Twitter user, replied, “Naan violence is part of our kulcha.” Another user added, “Lassi who wins.”
Coming up with a hilarious food pun while taking forward a conversation in the same vein, Shashi said “as a Southie I would rice to the occasion, provided some-bar wasn’t there.”

The exchange of puns continued after Tharoor’s tweet.
The Delhi University alumnus turned nostalgic about the fun they used to have on campus.
“Thanks for Tweeting this Shashi. Not just Stephen’s, repartees like this were a DU rasam. Though I was there at a different time would have loved to spar with you idli,” commented Parminder Singh.
“It’s never too lait… but for now yeh coffee hain,” replied Tharoor.
“It’s butter not to fight over this naan sense,” said another.
“A daily “dosa” of humour was a staple diet at College! I’m not going to “mince” my words- jokes at the Cafe prevented too much “roti” learning from “scrambling” your mind,” added Vikram Chandra
Poori dish can be bevy translated in English as paan india, said a netizen.
No ‘mo Tea ! We knead a change.” Another tweeter

30.Happy punning

Q. Who is a Chinese man ?
A. Hu is a Chinese man !

Q. Where house is used
for storing goods ?
A. Warehouse is used
for storing goods !

Q. Which is a devilish woman?
A. Witch is a devilish woman !

Q. What is the unit of power?
A. Watt is the unit of power !

Q. Why is the letter
shaped like fork ?
A. Y is the letter
shaped like fork !

Q. When is a diagram
used in algebra ?
A. Venn is a diagram
used in algebra !

🤩 😇

31. Whatsapp Group Results are out. Which one are you❓*_

1. Whatsapp Rooster:😀
Everyday wishing everyone Good Morning and waking them up is their favorite Job.

2. Whatsapp Baba :🤢
They send only messages of God and give Discourses.

3. WhatsappThief :👻
They copy other messages and forward them.

4 . Whatsapp Devadas :🤓
They always send painful and sad messages and poems and make everyone else sad.

5. Whatsapp News Reporter :😎
They update everyone about what’s happening in the world.

6. Whatsapp Vidushak :🤗
No matter how sad their life is they keep replying to everyone and keep laughing.

7. Whatsapp Mauni Baba:😷
They read everyone’s messages silently but never reply.

8. Whatsapp Thinkers :😇
They try to change people by sending good purposeful messages.

9. Whatsapp Poet & Poetess :✍🏻
These people don’t know anything other than poems and bore others with their poems.

10. Whatsapp Chatter :😋
They are not interested in anything other than chatting. They are always online.

11. Whatsapp Monkey :🤦‍♂
They never reply. They only say haha..hehe.

12. Whatsapp Collector :🙅🏼‍♂
They only join but never message.

13.Whatsapp All Rounder :💁🏼‍♂
They express their opinion on anything and everything. They know about everything and try to elevate the overall mood.

All of us belong to atleast one of the above categories…😀😄😃

Share it. Enjoy it.

32. Laughter the best medicine*

Today is Subbarao’s wife’s birthday.

Subbarao asked her, “Can I get you a diamond necklace for your birthday?”

She said: “Nothing would please me more”

So he got her Nothing.

Subbarao will always be grateful to his English teacher

😀
Last night Subbarao was driving back home from a party. He was high and saw there was Police checking. Was scared at that very moment but then immediately got down from the driver seat and sat in the back seat.

After few minutes the Police Officer came and asked Subbarao to move his car ahead for alcohol test.
SubbaRao said: “My driver ran away seeing you.”
The Police Officer replied: “Then you move your car ahead for the checking.”
I said: “No sir, as a true Indian citizen I should not drive drunk.”

Officer looked at Subbarao, got emotional and applauded him for his responsible behaviour..
He sent one constable to drive Rao’s car home.
Kaun kehta hai peene k baad dimag kaam nahi karta ?

😀😀

Dear Suresh and chutkule loving retirees,
Here are two partner set of jokes to your jokes.
1.1 Subbarao’s wife asked “Can you give me a ring? He gave a ring from his land line and talked pleasantly for 5 minutes.
1.2. Yes nothing is an important word. A guy said “Who says nothing is impossible. I have been doing nothing for decades now.
2. Second joke’s partner.
Subba Rao was fully drunk after a party. He rightly decided not to drive his car and took a taxi. The taxi driver, seeing him drunk, took him for a “ride”. To impress his wife he related his wise move to his wife. His wife laughingly said “party was in our house only”.


A corporate guy ,exited from Taj Colaba, fully sloshed up, and hailed a Taxi and shouted ” Take Me to Taj Mahal hotel”.

The cab driver quickly sized the situation and said ” Sure,Sir ! Just Hop in.”

After taking the taxi, in a few lanes around Taj,and making a few screeching sounds, deposited the guest back in Taj’s foyer.
“Here you are, Sir. That would be 1000 bucks only “, and waited with baited breath for customer’s reaction.

The customer handed over the money and said ” you are a good driver but do not drive that fast”.

Ha, ha, ha.

33. Corona Lockdown

𝖣𝖺𝗆𝖺𝗀𝖾 𝖼𝖺𝗎𝗌𝖾𝖽 𝖻𝗒 𝖢𝗈𝗋𝗈𝗇𝖺 𝖫𝗈𝖼𝗄𝖽𝗈𝗐𝗇 𝗉𝗎𝗍 𝗎𝗉 𝗂𝗇 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗍𝗒 𝖤𝗇𝗀𝗅𝗂𝗌𝗁 𝗅𝖺𝗇𝗀𝗎𝖺𝗀𝖾.

𝖳𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝗅𝗈𝖼𝗄𝖽𝗈𝗐𝗇 𝗁𝖺𝗌 𝗅𝖾𝖽 𝗍𝗈 𝗌𝖾𝗏𝖾𝗋𝖺𝗅 𝗅𝗈𝖼𝖺𝗅 𝖻𝗎𝗌𝗂𝗇𝖾𝗌𝗌𝖾𝗌 𝗀𝗈𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖻𝖺𝗇𝗄𝗋𝗎𝗉𝗍.
✓ 𝖳𝗁𝖾 𝖡𝗅𝗈𝗎𝗌𝖾 𝗆𝖺𝗇𝗎𝖿𝖺𝖼𝗍𝗎𝗋𝖾𝗋 𝗁𝖺𝗌 𝗀𝗈𝗇𝖾 𝖡𝗎𝗌𝗍.
✓ 𝖳𝗁𝖾 𝗌𝗉𝖾𝖼𝗂𝖺𝗅𝗂𝗌𝗍 𝗂𝗇 𝖲𝗎𝖻𝗆𝖾𝗋𝗌𝗂𝖻𝗅𝖾𝗌 𝗁𝖺𝗌 𝗀𝗈𝗇𝖾 𝖣𝗈𝗐𝗇 𝖴𝗇𝖽𝖾𝗋.
✓ 𝖳𝗁𝖾 𝗆𝖺𝗇𝗎𝖿𝖺𝖼𝗍𝗎𝗋𝖾𝗋 𝗈𝖿 𝖥𝗈𝗈𝖽 𝖡𝗅𝖾𝗇𝖽𝖾𝗋𝗌 𝗁𝖺𝗌 𝗀𝗈𝗇𝖾 𝗂𝗇𝗍𝗈 𝖫𝗂𝗊𝗎𝗂𝖽𝖺𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇.
✓ 𝖠 𝖣𝗈𝗀 𝖪𝖾𝗇𝗇𝖾𝗅 𝗁𝖺𝗌 𝗁𝖺𝖽 𝗍𝗈 𝖼𝖺𝗅𝗅 𝗂𝗇 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖱𝖾𝗍𝗋𝗂𝖾𝗏𝖾𝗋𝗌.
✓ 𝖳𝗁𝖾 𝗌𝗎𝗉𝗉𝗅𝗂𝖾𝗋𝗌 𝗈𝖿 𝗉𝖺𝗉𝖾𝗋 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝖮𝗋𝗂𝗀𝖺𝗆𝗂 𝖾𝗇𝗍𝗁𝗎𝗌𝗂𝖺𝗌𝗍𝗌 𝗁𝖺𝗌 𝖥𝗈𝗅𝖽𝖾𝖽.
✓ 𝖳𝗁𝖾 𝖧𝖾𝗂𝗇𝗓 𝖿𝖺𝖼𝗍𝗈𝗋𝗒 𝗁𝖺𝗌 𝖻𝖾𝖾𝗇 𝖢𝖺𝗇𝗇𝖾𝖽 𝖺𝗌 𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗒 𝖼𝗈𝗎𝗅𝖽𝗇’𝗍 𝖪𝖾𝗍𝖼𝗁𝗎𝗉 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁 𝖾𝗑𝗉𝖾𝗇𝗌𝖾𝗌.
✓ 𝖳𝗁𝖾 𝖳𝖺𝗋𝗆𝖺𝖼 𝗅𝖺𝗒𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖼𝗈𝗆𝗉𝖺𝗇𝗒 𝗁𝖺𝗌 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖼𝗁𝖾𝖽 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖾𝗇𝖽 𝗈𝖿 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗋𝗈𝖺𝖽.
✓ 𝖳𝗁𝖾 𝖡𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽 𝖼𝗈𝗆𝗉𝖺𝗇𝗒 𝗁𝖺𝗌 𝗋𝗎𝗇 𝗈𝗎𝗍 𝗈𝖿 𝖣𝗈𝗎𝗀𝗁.
✓ 𝖳𝗁𝖾 𝖢𝗅𝗈𝖼𝗄 𝗆𝖺𝗇𝗎𝖿𝖺𝖼𝗍𝗎𝗋𝖾𝗋 𝗁𝖺𝗌 𝗁𝖺𝖽 𝗍𝗈 𝖶𝗂𝗇𝖽 𝖣𝗈𝗐𝗇 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗈𝗐𝗇𝖾𝗋 𝗁𝖺𝗌 𝗀𝗈𝗇𝖾 𝖢𝗎𝖼𝗄𝗈𝗈.
✓ 𝖳𝗁𝖾 𝖢𝗁𝗂𝗇𝖾𝗌𝖾 𝖥𝗈𝗈𝖽 𝖼𝗈𝗆𝗉𝖺𝗇𝗒 𝗁𝖺𝗌 𝖻𝖾𝖾𝗇 𝖳𝖺𝗄𝖾𝗇 𝖺𝗐𝖺𝗒.
✓ 𝖳𝗁𝖾 𝖲𝗁𝗈𝖾 𝗌𝗁𝗈𝗉 𝗈𝗐𝗇𝖾𝗋 𝗁𝖺𝗌 𝗁𝖺𝖽 𝗍𝗈 𝗉𝗎𝗍 𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝖿𝗈𝗈𝗍 𝖽𝗈𝗐𝗇 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗀𝗂𝗏𝖾𝗇 𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝖲𝗍𝖺𝖿𝖿 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖡𝗈𝗈𝗍.
✓ 𝖳𝗁𝖾 𝖫𝖺𝗎𝗇𝖽𝗋𝖾𝗍𝗍𝖾 𝗁𝖺𝗌 𝖻𝖾𝖾𝗇 𝗍𝖺𝗄𝖾𝗇 𝗍𝗈 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖢𝗅𝖾𝖺𝗇𝖾𝗋𝗌.
✓ 𝖳𝗁𝖾 𝖡𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽 𝖡𝖺𝗄𝖾𝗋𝗂𝖾𝗌 𝖺𝗋𝖾 𝖺𝗅𝗅 𝖳𝗈𝖺𝗌𝗍.

𝖠𝗇𝖽 𝗒𝖾𝗌, 𝗂𝗍’𝗌 𝖢𝗎𝗋𝗍𝖺𝗂𝗇𝗌 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝖳𝗁𝖾𝖺𝗍𝗋𝖾𝗌.

34. Ordinary questions

BRILLIANT answers 👌

Interviewer : What is your birth date?
Raja : 13th October
Interviewer : Which year?
Raja : EVERY YEAR

Manager asked Raja at an interview : Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?
Raja replied : P-O-S-T-B-O-X.

One tourist from U.S.A. asked Raja : Any great man born in this village???
Raja : No Sir, only small babies!!!

Lecturer : Write a note on Gandhi Jayanti.
So Raja writes : Gandhi was a great man, but I don’t know who is Jayanti.

Interviewer : Just imagine you are on the 3rd floor, it caught fire
and how will you escape?
Raja : its simple. I will stop my imagination.

Raja : My mobile bill how much?
Call centre girl : Sir, just dial 123 to know current bill status
Raja : not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL.

Friend : I got a brand new Mercedes for my wife!
Raja : Wow!!! That’s an unbelievable exchange offer !!!

Raja in airplane going 2 Bombay. While it’s landing he shouted : Bombay .. Bombay.
Air hostess said : Sir, Be (B) silent.
Raja : Ok .. Ombay … Ombay.

Teacher : What is common between JESUS, KRISHNA , RAM, GANDHI and BUDHA?
Raja : All are born on government holidays.

Sir : What is difference between Orange and Apple?
Raja : Color of Orange is Orange, but color of Apple is not Apple.
✨✨

35. Some Favorite Oxymorons

36. I counted my years

I counted my years
and realized that
I have less time to live by,
than I have lived so far.

I have more past than future.

I feel like that boy who got a bowl of cherries.
At first, he gobbled them,
but when he realized there were only few left,
he began to taste them intensely.

I no longer have time to deal with mediocrity.

I do not want to be in meetings where flamed egos parade.

I am bothered by the envious,
who seek to discredit the most able,
to usurp their places, coveting their seats,
talent, achievements and luck.

I do not have time for endless conversations,
useless to discuss about the lives of others
who are not part of mine.

I no longer have the time to manage
sensitivities of people who despite their chronological age, are immature.
I hate to confront those that struggle for power,
those that ‘do not debate content, just the labels’.

My time has become scarce to debate labels,
I want the essence.

My soul is in a hurry …

Not many cherries in my bowl,

I want to live close to human people, very human,
who laugh of their own stumbles,
and away from those turned smug
and overconfident with their triumphs,
away from those filled with self-importance.

The essential is what makes life worthwhile.
And for me, the essentials are enough!

Yes, I’m in a hurry.
I’m in a hurry to live with the intensity that only maturity can give.

I do not intend to waste any of the remaining cherries.

I am sure they will be exquisite, much more than those eaten so far.
My goal is to reach the end satisfied
and at peace with my loved ones and my conscience.

And per Confucius “We have two lives
and the second begins when you realize you only have one.”

Poem: Mário de Andrade – The Valuable Time of Maturity

37. Intelligence and Wisdom

This is so so good … I had never known these profound distinctions between Intelligence and Wisdom
(Quotes from our ancient
Books )

  1. Intelligence leads to arguments.
    Wisdom leads to settlements.
  2. Intelligence is power of will.
    Wisdom is power OVER will.
  3. Intelligence is heat, it burns.
    Wisdom is warmth, it comforts.
  4. Intelligence is pursuit of knowledge, it tires the seeker.
    Wisdom is pursuit of truth, it inspires the seeker.
  5. Intelligence is holding on.
    Wisdom is letting go.
  6. Intelligence leads you.
    Wisdom guides you.
  7. An intelligent man thinks he knows everything.
    A wise man knows that there is still something to learn.
  8. An intelligent man always tries to prove his point.
    A wise man knows there really is no point.
  9. An intelligent man freely gives unsolicited advice.
    A wise man keeps his counsel until all options are considered.
  10. An intelligent man understands what is being said.
    A wise man understands what is left unsaid.
  11. An intelligent man speaks when he has to say something.
    A wise man speaks when he has something to say.
  12. An intelligent man sees everything as relative.
    A wise man sees everything as related.
  13. An intelligent man tries to control the mass flow.
    A wise man navigates the mass flow.
  14. An intelligent man preaches.
    A wise man reaches.

Intelligence is good
but wisdom achieves better results.
🌈😊🌹

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