English Shells & Pebbles

  1. Interesting Q & A
  2. Try answers
  3. Some humour and pun-ditries
  4. English is full of Contradictions
  5. Opinions of Medical specialists
  6. Young and Old
  7. Enrich your Vocabulary
  8. Lexophile
  9. Tons of Puns
  10. Zohnerism
  11. Husband and Wife
  12. Quotes of Great on Husband & wife
  13. Puns from my old stock
  14. More English Hindi Puns
  15. Interesting Full forms
  16. Buy 1 Get 1 Free
  17. Contronyms
  18. Sarcastic Facts Based on Solid Logic
  19. Pundamentals
  20. Latinate Meet
  21. WORLD’S (NOT SO) EASIEST QUIZ !
  22. Not easy to be a Teacher

Some Fun With English-Old one but nice!_
“HOW ENGLISH AND ENGLISHMEN MAKE FUN OF EACH OTHER*
Enjoy the fun & the pun.

1. Interesting Q & A

Q: Can February March? A: No. But April May!
Q: Did you hear about the painter who was hospitalised? A: Reports say it was due to too many strokes!
Q: Have you heard the joke about the butter? A: I better not tell you, it might spread!
Q: How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight? A: Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?
Q: Music Teacher: What’s your favourite musical instrument? A: Kid: The lunch bell!
Q: What did the triangle say to the circle? A: You’re pointless!
Q: What do you call a ghosts mom and dad? A: Transparents!
Q: What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A: A Barbercue!
Q: What do you call a person that chops up cereal A: A cereal killer!
Q: What do you call a South American girl who is always in a hurry? *A: Urgent Tina


2. When you have nothing better to do*
Just try answers for these

  1. If poison expires; is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous? 🤔
  2. Which letter is silent in the word “Scent,” the S or the C? 🤔
  3. Do twins ever realize that one of them is “Unplanned”? 🤔
  4. Why is the letter W, in English, called double U? Shouldn’t it be called double V? 🤔
  5. Maybe Oxygen is slowly killing you and It just takes 75-100 years to fully work. 🤔
  6. Every time you clean something, you just make something else dirty. 🤔
  7. Turn the word “swims” upside-down is still “swims” 🤔
  8. 100 years ago everyone owned a Horse and only the rich had Cars. Today everyone has Cars and only the rich own Horses.🤔
  9. If you replace “W” with “T” in “What, Where and When”, you get the answer to each of them. 🤔
    Still have time for fun..?
    Let’s try this

Six Great Confusions, Which are still unresolved
😄😂

  1. At a movie theatre, which arm rest is yours?
  2. If people evolve from monkeys, why are monkeys still around?
  3. Why is there a ‘D’ in fridge, but not in refrigerator?
  4. Who knew what time it was when the first clock was made?

Well Try this now
Vagaries of English Language! Enjoy.!!!😀

•Wonder why the word “Funeral” starts with FUN?
•Why isn’t a Fireman called a Water-man?
•How come Lipstick doesn’t do what it says?
•If money doesn’t grow on trees, how come Banks have Branches?
•If a Vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a Humanitarian eat?
•How do you get off a non-stop Flight?
•Why are goods sent by Ship called CARGO, and those sent by Truck SHIPMENT?
•Why do we put cups in the “Dishwasher” and the dishes in the “Cupboard”?
•Why do doctors “Practice” medicine? Are they having practice at the cost of the patients?
•Why is it called “Rush Hour” when traffic moves at its slowest then?
•How come Noses run and Feet smell?
•Why do they call it a TV ‘set’ when there is only one?
•What are you vacating when you go on a “Vacation”?

We can never find the answers Can we❓

If you have the Spirit of understanding everything in a positive manner – You’ll enjoy every moment in LIFE, whether it’s PRESSURE or PLEASURE
So just enjoy the PUN and FUN of the English language.
😂🤣😂
Enjoy n have fun.😘👍

—- But it seems that some people actually had nothing better to do.
😂🤣😂 So they found answers. 😂🤣😂

  1. I think it is called “duble v” (pronounced “dooble vay” डूब्ल वे) in French. Alphabet ‘V’, pronunced ‘vay’ in French = English V.
    Duble in French = double.

Poison never expires. It is still in lord Shiva’s throat.
They both may be unplanned!!!
Both arm rest are mine or not on the side the beauty is sitting(so that she may put her arm)
Now monkeys are evolving.
Much before first.clock was made astrologers knew not only what the present time(ghadi) is they could tell moment of future events like moon eclipse, sun eclipse.
Fireman fights.fire— not necessarily with.water
HOWZTHAT

😄😂 😂🤣😂 😂🤣😂


3.Some old, some new still a good time pass
Some humour and pun-ditries 😂 English Hinglish 😂

  1. The changing tax rates are too TDS.
  2. My watch is stuck between 2 and 2:30; it’s a do or dhai situation
  3. Vishwanathan Anand gets tense when the waiter asks, ‘Check de doon’
  4. A well-executed theft without any fingerprints is a stainless steal.
  5. Friends pay food bills on a de-tu-de basis
  6. ‘I laughed yesterday’ in Hindi, ‘Michael Hussey’
  7. An old lady asked me the way to the temple; I replied, ‘Magistrate’
  8. Rahul Dravid’s wristwatch is technically a wall clock
  9. Toll Booths are nothing but Bill Gates
  10. The way to the cemetery, ‘Go straight and take the last rite.’

🤪😂

Some more Multilingual puns:
Mixing languages…. 🤔🤭😅😂

When I saw a snake for the first time, I was सर्पrised.
My Urdu is Behtar than your English.
I wanted to marry a Photo Journalist, par PAPARAZZI nahi hue.
Why is vegetarian food not very popular? Simply because it doesn’t have मांस appeal.
Ghosts have their own ATMA-SPHERE.
Who called it family planning and not जनration?
People with paunch want to show that they have a well ‘तोंड (toned) body.
I had sore throat once. It took me few vicks to recover..
God never tasted any cough syrup, because khuda-na-khasta.
Last night I had an extra spicy garlic chutney. This morning I learnt my lehsun.
Visited a dentist named Simran. She asked “where are you feeling the pain?” Me: Jaw Simran Jaw
I really don’t care who takes bath daily. It स्नान of my business.
“Kya tujhe hammer se darr lagta hai?” “Ha-thodasa.”
Come on Pat-Anjali What Ayurveding for ?

😄😂 😂🤣😂 😂🤣😂


4.English is FULL of contradictions
Here are some funny ones:

1) Found Missing
2) Open Secret
3) Small Crowd
4) Act Naturally
5) Clearly Misunderstood
6) Fully Empty
7) Pretty Ugly
8) Seriously Funny
9) Only Choice
10) Original Copies
11) Exact Estimate
12) Tragic Comedy
13) Foolish Wisdom
14) Liquid Gas
15) Working Holiday

And The newest Mother of all is

16) “Social Distancing”

*************

5.Opinions of Medical specialists

Medical experts were asked if it is time to ease the lock down.
Allergists were in favor of scratching it, but Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.
Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but Neurologists thought the government had a lot of nerve.
Obstetricians felt certain everyone was laboring under a misconception, while Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.
Many Pathologists yelled, “Over my dead body!” while Pediatricians said, “Oh, grow up!”
Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while Radiologists could see right through it.
Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing and pharmacists claimed it would be a bitter pill to swallow.
Plastic Surgeons opined that this proposal would “put a whole new face on the matter.”
Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.
Anaesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and those lofty Cardiologists didn’t have the heart to say no.
In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the assholes!

*******

6. YOUNG and OLD

When YOUNG, I was WORRIED about MY PIMPLES.
When I am OLD, I am WORRIED about MY WRINKLES.

When I was YOUNG, I was WAITING to HOLD HER HAND.
When OLD, I am WAITING for SOMEONE to HOLD MY HAND.

When YOUNG, I was LONGING to be ALONE.
When I am OLD, I am WORRIED why I am ALONE.

When I was YOUNG, I HATED being ADVISED.
When OLD, there is NO ONE around to TALK or ADVISE.

When YOUNG, I ADMIRED BEAUTIFUL THINGS.
When I am OLD, I see BEAUTY in THINGS around ME.

When I was YOUNG, I felt I was ETERNAL.
When I am OLD, I know SOON it will be MY TURN.

When I was YOUNG, I CELEBRATED the MOMENTS.
When I am OLD, I am CHERISHING MY MEMORIES.

When I was YOUNG, I found it DIFFICULT to WAKE UP.
When OLD, I find it DIFFICULT to SLEEP.

When I was YOUNG, I WANTED to be a HEART – THROB.
When OLD, I am WORRIED when will MY HEART STOP.

At EXTREME STAGES of OUR LIFE, WE WORRY but WE DON’T REALIZE, LIFE NEEDS to BE EXPERIENCED.

*****

7. Enrich your vocabulary

8. Lexophile

“Lexophile” is a term used to describe those who are clever with words, such as ” you can tune a piano but you can’t tuna fish” or “to write with a broken pencil is pointless.”!
A competition to see who can come up with the best lexophillies is held every year in Dubuque, Iowa.
This year’s winning submissions are….
*A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
*The batteries were given out free of charge.
*A dentist and a manicurist married.
They fought tooth and nail.
*A will is a dead giveaway.
*A boiled egg is hard to beat.
England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A
*Police were called to the daycare centre, where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
*Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off ?
He’s all right now.
*A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.
*The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully re-covered.
*He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
*When she saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she’d dye.
*Acupuncture is a job well done. That’s the point of it.
Please enjoy the literary sense of humour

😂🤣😂 😂🤣😂 😂🤣😂 😂🤣😂

New Addition 23/05/2021

Long time, now it is time for some time pass.

9. Tons of Puns 😊🙃😉

  1. Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes, we arson.
  2. What do you call a pig with laryngitis? Disgruntled.
  3. Writing my name in cursive is my signature move.
  4. Why do bees stay in their hives during winter? Swarm.
  5. If you’re bad at haggling, you’ll end up paying the price.
  6. Just so everyone’s clear, I’m going to put my glasses on.
  7. A commander walks into a bar and orders everyone around.
  8. I lost my job as a stage designer. I left without making a scene.
  9. Never buy flowers from a monk. Only you can prevent florist friars.
  10. How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced? A buccaneer.
  11. I once worked at a cheap pizza shop to get by. I kneaded the dough.
  12. My friends and I have named our band ‘Duvet’. It’s a cover band.
  13. I lost my girlfriend’s audiobook, and now I’ll never hear the end of it.
  14. Why is ‘dark’ spelled with a k and not c? Because you can’t see in the dark.
  15. Why is it unwise to share your secrets with a clock? Well, time will tell.
  16. When I told my contractor I didn’t want carpeted steps, they gave me a blank stare.
  17. Bono and The Edge walk into a Dublin bar and the bartender says, “Oh no, not U2 again.”
  18. Prison is just one word to you, but for some people, it’s a whole sentence.
  19. Scientists got together to study the effects of alcohol on a person’s walk, and the result was staggering.
  20. I’m trying to organize a hide and seek tournament, but good players are really hard to find.
  21. I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows, and nuts. I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
  22. What do you say to comfort a friend who’s struggling with grammar? There, their, they’re.
  23. I went to the toy store and asked the assistant where the Schwarznegger dolls are and he replied, “Aisle B, back.”
  24. What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up their own incision? Suture self.
  25. I’ve started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It’s all about raisin awareness.

😊🙃😉 😊🙃😉 😊🙃😉 😊🙃😉

Some more puns

Punning away
1. What is the opposite of a croissant? A happy uncle.
2. Which branch of the military accepts toddlers? The infantry.
3. Did you know you can actually listen to the blood in your veins? You just have to listen varicosely.
4. Though I enjoy the sport, I could never date a tennis player. Love means nothing to them.
5. I have a joke about time travel, but I’m not gonna share it. You guys didn’t like it.
6. What’s the opposite of irony? Wrinkly.
7. Got a Sony PS5 for my little brother. Best trade I’ve ever done!
8. I finally decided to sell my vacuum cleaner. All it was doing was gathering dust!
9. When you die, what part of the body dies last? The pupils, they dilate.
10. A friend of mine went bald years ago, but still carries around an old comb. He just can’t part with it.
11. You know there’s no official training for trash collectors? They just pick things up as they go along.

12. Exaggerations have become an epidemic. They went up by a million percent last year.

**************************

10. Zohnerism

Why we need to Avoid watching too much of breaking news & panel discussions on Indian TV news channels now a days!? Because, they all follow Zohnerism!!!
What is this notorious concept of Zohnerism?
Zohnerism – is all about twisting of simple facts to confuse people!
To know more about it, please read this:
In 1997, 14 year old Nathan Zohner presented his science fair project to his classmates, seeking to ban a highly toxic chemical from its everyday use.
The chemical in question? Dihydrogen monoxide.
Throughout his presentation, Zohner provided his audience scientifically correct evidence as to why this chemical should be banned.
He explained that dihydrogen monoxide:
—–Causes severe burns while it’s in gas form.
—–Corrodes and rusts metal.
—–Kills countless amounts of people annually.
—–Is commonly found in tumors, acid rain etc.
—–Causes excessive urination and bloating if consumed.
—–Zohner also noted that the chemical is able to kill you if you depend on it and then experience an extended withdrawal.
He then asked his classmates if they actually wanted to ban dihydrogen monoxide.
And so, 43 out of the 50 children present voted to ban this clearly toxic chemical.
However… this chemical isn’t typically considered toxic at all.
In fact, dihydrogen monoxide is simply H2O, which is nothing but water.
Nathan Zohner’s experiment wasn’t a legitimate attempt to ban water, but instead an experiment to get a representation of how gullible people can really be.
Also, all of the points that Zohner used to convey his point were 100% factually correct; he just skewed all of the information in his favour by omitting certain facts.
In recognition of his experiment, journalist James K. Glassman coined the term “Zohnerism” to refer to “the use of a true fact to lead a scientifically and mathematically ignorant public to a false conclusion”.
And this occurs a lot more often than you think, especially when politicians, conspiracy theorists, etc., use proven facts to persuade people into believing false claims.
The fact that people can mislead, and be misled so easily, is highly unsettling.
A very meaningful sensible WhatsApp forward that applies to today’s world more than anytime before.

**********

New Addition 08/06/2021

11. Husband and Wife

Fight between husband and wife (both are M.A. in English literature). Instead of shouting, abusing or physical force…they exchange poems to each other.😀

WIFE :

I wrote your name on sand it got washed…
I wrote your name in air, it was blown away.
Then I wrote your name on my heart & I got Heart Attack. 🙄

HUSBAND:

God saw me hungry, he created pizza.
He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi.
He saw me in the dark, he created light.
He saw me without problems, he created YOU. 😏

WIFE:

Twinkle twinkle little star
You should know what you are
And once you know what you are
Mental hospital is not so far!🤨

HUSBAND:

The rain makes all things beautiful.
The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful
Why doesn’t it rain on you? 🙄

WIFE:

Roses are red; Violets are blue
Monkeys like you should be kept in zoo.😠

HUSBAND:

Don’t feel so angry you will find me there too
Not in a cage but laughing at you!🥴

👍Don’t laugh alone, share it with others also! 😃

&&&&&&&&&&

12. Quotes of some great personalities:

Today is World happy husband Day. Let us maintain 2 minutes silence and appreciate some real life experiences and quotes of some great personalities:

Wife inspires us to great things and prevents us from achieving them.
– Mike Tyson 😁

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
– Bill Clinton 😁

There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.
– Michael Jordan 😁

A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.
– Barack Obama 😁

When you are in love,
wonders happen.
But once you get married, you wonder, what happened.

  • Steve Jobs 😁

And the best one is…

Marriage is a forest where Brave Lions are killed by Deers.

  • Brad Pitt

Happy World Husbands Day🎉🎊🎈

********************

13. Puns from my old stock

(इंग्रजी कोट्या) माझ्या जुन्या संग्रहातून (२००९)
या कोट्या इंग्रजी भाषेतील विशिष्ट शब्दांवर आधारलेल्या असल्याने त्याचा मराठी अनुवाद करणे म्हणजे दादा कोंडके यांच्या चित्रपटांना इंग्लिश सबटायटल्स देण्यासारखे होईल. त्यामुळे त्या मूळ स्वरूपातच वाचाव्यात.

The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.
A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie..
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, ‘You stay here, I’ll go on a head.’
I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then, it hit me.
A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, ‘Keep off the Grass.’
A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, ‘No change yet.’
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
It’s not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn’t have the balls to do it.
The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
A backward poet writes inverse.
In democracy, it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism, it’s your count that votes.
23 . When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
Don’t join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects.
Share this:

14. More English Hindi Puns

What do you call a bee that comes from America?
USB
No claps please!😄😄

What do you call a lady who drinks only one tea in a day?
Jaswanti

One More ☝😁
Why don’t people clap in Afghanistan?
Because of ‘Tali-ban’!😀

Acha ek aur ☝😁
How do you ask your ‘Maasi’ to take a dip in water?
Diplomacy!😀😀

Ye wala last ☝😁
How do you say “she is calling a cab” in one word?
Vocabulary!😜😁

Ye wala ek dum last☝
Which Pakistani cricketer does not have a date of birth?
Umar Gul..

😝😝 Bonus One
What you call a fat girl waiting at the Bus Stop.
Simple its – MOTIVATING.

😝😝 😝😝 😝😝 😝😝 😝😝 😝😝

U cannot beat this for creativity. Kudos to the unknown author!

Pankaj fell in love
Pankaj married
Pankaj divorced
Pankaj Udaas

Sameera went to a parlor
Sameera did her hair
Sameera did her makeup
Sameera Reddy

Kangana hit the ball
Kangana took a single
Kangana did not reach the crease
Kangana Ranaut.

Hrithik buys bulb
Hrithik puts bulb in socket
Hrithik switches bulb on
Hrithik Roshan

Neil arms weak.
Neil joins gym.
Neil does chin-ups.
Neil Armstrong

Anil mombatti
Anil agarbatti
Anil dhoop
Anil Kapoor

Minisha purchased a cycle
Minisha started riding cycle
Minisha’s height increased
Minisha Lamba

William making fruit shake
William took pears
William put them in glass
William Shakespeare

Mika went to studio
Mika went to recording room
Mika took the mike
Mika Singh

Enjoy 😊

😝😝 😝😝 😝😝 😝😝 😝😝 😝😝

15. Interesting Full Forms

💚 ᴅᴏ ᴡᴇ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴀᴄᴛᴜᴀʟ ғᴜʟʟ ғᴏʀᴍ ᴏғ Sᴏᴍᴇ ᴡᴏʀᴅS ? 💚
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬

💛 ᴏᴋ 💛
ᴏᴛᴛᴏ ᴋʀᴏᴠᴇɴS

💛 ɴᴇᴡs ᴘᴀᴘᴇʀ 💛
ɴᴏʀᴛʜ ᴇᴀsᴛ ᴡᴇSᴛ sᴏᴜᴛʜ ᴘᴀSᴛ ᴀɴᴅ ᴘʀᴇSᴇɴᴛ ᴇᴠᴇɴᴛS ʀᴇᴘᴏʀᴛ

💛 ᴄʜᴇSS 💛
ᴄᴀᴍᴇʟ, ʜᴏʀsᴇ, ᴇʟᴇᴘʜᴀɴᴛ, Sᴏʟᴅɪᴇʀs

💛 ᴄᴏʟᴅ 💛
ᴄʜʀᴏɴɪᴄ ᴏʙsᴛʀᴜᴄᴛɪᴠᴇ ʟᴜɴɢ ᴅɪsᴇᴀsᴇ

💛 ᴊᴏᴋᴇ 💛
ᴊᴏʏ ᴏғ ᴋɪᴅs ᴇɴᴛᴇʀᴛᴀɪɴᴍᴇɴᴛ

💛 ᴀɪᴍ 💛
ᴀᴍʙɪᴛɪᴏɴ ɪɴ ᴍɪɴᴅ

💛 ᴅᴀᴛᴇ 💛
ᴅᴀʏ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛɪᴍᴇ ᴇᴠᴏʟᴜᴛɪᴏɴ

💛 ᴇᴀᴛ 💛
ᴇɴᴇʀɢʏ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛᴀsᴛᴇ

💛 ᴛᴇᴀ 💛
ᴛᴀsᴛᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ᴇɴᴇʀɢʏ ᴀᴅᴍɪᴛᴛᴇᴅ

💛 ᴘᴇɴ 💛
ᴘᴏᴡᴇʀ ᴇɴʀɪᴄʜᴇᴅ ɪɴ ɴɪʙ

💛 Sᴍɪʟᴇ 💛
Sᴡᴇᴇᴛ ᴍᴇᴍᴏʀɪᴇs ɪɴ ʟɪᴘs ᴇxᴘʀᴇssIᴏɴ

💛 SIᴍ 💛
Sᴜʙsᴄʀɪʙᴇʀ ɪᴅᴇɴᴛɪᴛʏ ᴍᴏᴅᴜʟᴇ

💛 ᴇᴛᴄ 💛
ᴇɴᴅ ᴏғ ᴛʜɪɴᴋɪɴɢ ᴄᴀᴘᴀᴄɪᴛʏ

💛 ᴏʀ 💛
ᴏʀʟ ᴋᴏʀᴇᴄ (ɢʀᴇᴇᴋ ᴡᴏʀᴅ)

💛 ʙʏᴇ 💛
ʙᴇ ᴡɪᴛʜ ʏᴏᴜ ᴇᴠᴇʀʏᴛɪᴍᴇ.

💚 Sʜᴀʀᴇ ᴛʜᴇsᴇ ᴍᴇᴀɴɪɴɢs ᴀs ᴍᴀᴊᴏʀɪᴛʏ ᴏғ ᴜs ᴅᴏɴ’ᴛ ᴋɴᴏᴡ 💚

💛 💛 💛 💛 💛 💛 💛 💛 💛 💛 💛 💛

16. Buy 1 Get 1 Free

“Buy one – get one free” may be a marketing gimmick.

But it is true in real life in many sense.

We buy Trust we get Friendship free.
We buy Exercise, we get Health free.
We buy Peace, we get Prosperity free.
We buy Honesty, we get Sleep free.
We buy LOVE, we get all Good Virtues free.

We buy (i.e. harbouring this emotion) Anger and get Acidity free.
We buy Jealousy and get Headache free.
We buy Hatred and get Ulcer free.
We buy Stress and get Blood pressure free.

and so on– —

May God bless us with the wisdom to buy right things for a healthy and purposeful life!💐🙏

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17. Contronyms

Can A Word Be Its Own Opposite?

Yes! They are called Contronyms—words that are their own antonyms, depending on usage.
Here are a few examples
1 Dust : can mean to add fine particles or to remove fine particles.
2 Left : can mean both remaining and departed.
3 Off : can mean both activated and deactivated.
Eg:- Set off – Activated
Switch off – Deactivated
4 Oversight : means both watchful care and an inadvertent error.
5 Screen : can mean both to show and to hide.
6 Sanction can mean both a penalty for disobeying a law and official permission or approval for an action.

That’s Amazing English!

Some more Contronyms

  1. Transparent
    a) Transparent: Obvious
    Eg, His lies were so transparent.
    b) Transparent: Invisible
    Eg, She brought a transparent water bottle to school every day.
  2. Put out
    a) Put out: Extinguish
    Eg, The tutorial taught 5 new ways to put out fire.
    b) Put out: Generate
    Eg, Arthur Miller put out many books.
  3. To buckle
    a) To buckle: To bend
    Eg, The grandmother felt her knee buckle while climbing the stairs.
    b) To buckle: To secure with a buckle
    Eg, The air hostess requested the passengers to buckle their seat belts.
  4. To cleave
    a) To cleave: To join or to cling
    Eg, The bear cleaved to his mother’s body.
    b) To cleave: To split
    Eg, The hunter used a knife to cleave the meat from the bone.
  5. To execute
    a) To execute: To start or begin
    Eg, The need of the hour is to execute the plan.
    b) To execute: To bring to an end
    Eg, The juvenile is expected to be executed, next month.
  6. To clip
    a) To clip: To fasten
    Eg, Akshay Kumar clipped on to the rope to perform a stunt.
    b) To clip: To detach
    Eg, The hair dresser clipped her hair.
  7. Out
    a) Out: Visible
    Eg, The moon was hidden behind the clouds, it took a long time to come out.
    b) Out: Invisible
    Eg, In order to create complete darkness, he decided to put out the candles too.

18. Sarcastic Facts Based on Solid Logic

1. An Infinite Number of ₹100 Notes and ₹2000 Notes are Worth the Same._
2. If your Parachute doesn’t Deploy, you have the Rest of the Life to Fix It._
3. Average Human Lifespan is 70 Years equating to 2.2 Billion Seconds. There are 7.5 Billion People on Earth. So Technically every Person is not even Worth a Second of your Time._
4. The Sentence “Don’t Objectify Women” has Women as the Object of the Sentence._
5. You cannot make History if you use Incognito Mode._
6. We pay Taxes on Money we earn to pay Taxes on Money we spend._
7. No matter how Good you are, you can always be Replaced._
8. Pizza is the Real-Time Pie Chart of how much Pizza is left._
9. There is a Tree out there that is Growing out there for your Coffin or your Funeral Pyre._
10. If you Cut Off your Left Arm then your Right Arm would be Left._
11. The Ability to Speak Several Languages is an Asset, but the Ability to keep your Mouth Shut in any Language is Priceless._
12. No matter how Strong Mathematician or Guesser you are, but you can’t Guess the Ending Digits of “pi”._
13. 100 years ago the Rich owned the Cars while the Poor had Horses. Now everyone has a Car while only the Rich own Horses._
14. People say “Marriage is Forever” but actually “Divorce is Forever”._
15. There’s no Physical Evidence to say that Today is Monday. We just have to Trust Someone who kept the Count since first one ever._
16. Cows are so Calm and Happy because their Favourite Food is on the Ground all the time. Imagine Walking on Pizzas all day._
17. The Wright Brothers were responsible for 9/11 too._
18. We spend Five Days a Week Pretending to be someone else in order to spend Two Days being who we are._
19. Whenever you Register a Username, you are Disappointing Someone in the Future._
20. Internet connects People at a Long Distance and disconnects People at a Short Distance._
21. Someone has your Dream Job and Hates going to Work Every Day._
22. Alcohol is a Solution._
23. Cells Divide to Multiply._

24. If you Beat your Own Record, you’re both a Winner and a Loser._

19. How good are your pundamentals?😆

☢ Lightning sometimes shocks people… because, it just doesn’t know how to conduct itself
☢ A prisoner’s favorite punctuation mark is the period… it marks the end of his sentence
☢ A rule of grammar… double negatives are a no-no
☢ Sleeping comes so naturally to me… I could do it with my eyes closed
☢ Atheists don’t solve exponential equations… because they don’t believe in higher powers
☢ It’s raining cats and dogs… well, as long as it doesn’t reindeer
☢ I relish the fact that you’ve mustard the strength to ketchup to me…
☢ My new theory on inertia doesn’t seem to be gaining momentum
☢ What did the grape say when it got stepped on… nothing, but it let out a little whine
☢ If you don’t pay your exorcist… do you get repossessed
☢ Pencils could be made with erasers at both ends… but, what would be the point
☢ I was arrested after my therapist suggested I take something for my
kleptomania
☢ A hungry traveller stops at a monastery and is taken to the kitchens…. a brother is frying chips. “Are you the friar?” he asks. “No. I’m the chip monk” he replies…
☢ Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring… the doctor says I’m OK, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside…
☢ What’s the definition of a will… it’s a dead giveaway
☢ Two peanuts were walking in a tough neighborhood and one of them was a-salted

For the PUNNY people….!!!!

PUNTASTIC 👌👍!

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20.Latinate Meet:

From Quid Pro Quo to In Flagrante Delicto to Non Compos Mentis*
One evening, all Latin expressions gathered at the Taverna to discuss Quid Pro Quo’s phenomenal rise in popularity thanks to impeachment hearings in the United States.
A wave of resentment ran through Ad Hoc, Pro Bono, Vice Versa, Et Cetera etc., who considered themselves frontrunners in Latinism sweepstakes before Quid Pro Quo had sprinted ahead in recent weeks.
“Well, let’s get real,” said Bona Fide, who was always truthful. “Quid Pro Quo is being promoted by no less a person than the U.S President, even though Pro Bono is available for free.”
Hearing this, Pro Bono, who was selfless and always unquestioningly volunteering herself, asked Prima Facie if this was indeed the case.
“On the face of it, yes,” confirmed Prima Facie. “Although the President likes Ad Hoc, Quid Pro Quo is his current favorite.”
“What about me? I am always bringing up the rear… though I am used so often,” complained Et Cetera.
“At least you and your comrades Nota Bena and Post Script are made of two words, unlike that useless Addendum,” consoled Alter Ego, looking over his shoulder at his shadow.
“Quid Pro Quo is made of three words!” pointed out Carpe Diem, groaning, “I should have seized the moment when the poet Horace wrote me into his Odes!”
“Actually, we should have all gone to war!” yelled Casus Belli, who was always in a confrontational mood.
“We would have backed you!” shouted twins De Facto and De Jure.
“Hear! Hear!” roared Vox Populi.
Et Cetera was comforted, but he knew he could never become the favorite; he’d always be an afterthought.
“Well, fair is foul and foul is fair,” explained Vice Versa, an opportunist who flip-flopped often.
“Indeed, I’m sorry about our fate. If y’all want I am happy to take the blame,” offered the always-apologetic Mea Culpa.
“Let’s just stay rooted to the ground. Our day will come!” advised Terra Firma.
“No, let’s keep on rolling and rolling and…” pressed Ad Infinitum.
“The bird walked to the toy store,” said Non Sequitur.
Alma Mater, who was nourishing her children Alumnus and Alumna, watched the agitated Latinisms with Sotto Voce, who was usually quiet and spoke only occasionally in a low voice.
“Too bad everyone thinks the President has flipped for Quid Pro Quo,” she whispered. “No one believes me but I’ve seen him canoodling with that sexy wench In Flagrante Delicto.”
Suddenly they heard someone chuckling in the shadows. It was Non Compos Mentis, giggling with the knowledge that she, not In Flagrante Delicto, was the President’s first love.

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21. WORLD’S (NOT SO) EASIEST QUIZ !

( Passing requires only 3 correct answers out of 10 !! ).
( Only total thicko’s will fail !! )

1) How long did the Hundred Years’ War last?
2) Which country makes Panama hats?
3) From which animal do we get cat gut?
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
5) What is a camel’s hair brush made of?
6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?
7) What was King George VI’s first name?
8) What color is a purple finch?
9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?
10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?
Remember, you need only 3 correct answers to Pass.

Check your answers below.
.
.
.
.
.

ANSWERS
1) How long did the Hundred Years War last? …. 116 years_
2) Which country makes Panama hats? …. Ecuador
3) From which animal do we get cat gut? …. Sheep and Horses
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? …. November
5) What is a camel’s hair brush made of? …… Squirrel fur
6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal? …. Dogs
7) What was King George VI’s first name? ….. Albert
8) What color is a purple finch? …. Crimson
9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from? …. New Zealand
10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane? ….. Orange (of course!)
What do you mean, you failed ? !!
Me, too…(and miserably) !!!

Pass this on to some “brilliant” people, so that they may feel useless too ! Honestly admit and submit. …..


22. Not easy to be a Teacher

Teacher: ”Construct a sentence using the word “sugar”
Pupil: ”I drank tea this morning.”
Teacher: ”Where is the word sugar.”
Pupil: ”It is already in the tea..!!”

  • – – – Not Easy to be a Teacher !!!!!

TEACHER: Our topic for today is Photosynthesis.
TEACHER : Class, what is photosynthesis?
Student: Photosynthesis is our topic for today.

  • – – – – Not Easy to be a Teacher !!!!!

TEACHER : John is climbing a tree to pick some mangoes. (Begin the sentence with ‘Mangoes’)
Student : Mangoes, John is coming to pick you…

  • – – – – Not Easy to be a Teacher !!!!!

TEACHER : What do you call mosquitoes in your language?
Student: We don’t call them, they come on their own…

  • – – – Not Easy to be a Teacher !!!!!

TEACHER : Name the nation, people hate most
Student: Exami-nation…

  • – – – – Not Easy to be a Teacher !!!!!

TEACHER : How can we keep our school clean?
Student: By staying at home…

  • – – – – Not Easy to be a Teacher !!!!!

TEACHER : One day our country will be corruption free. What tense is that??
Student: Future impossible tense…

NOWADAYS TEACHING IS REALLY A VERY TOUGH